Top 10 reasons to hate the Detroit Red Wings

1. This team is owned by Mike Ilitch, a man with dreams of turning the Red Wings into the New York Yankees of hockey while spending years neglecting his other teams, the Detroit Tigers and the Detroit Drive, formerly of the AFL. If you aren't going to help them, sell them Mike.

2. The Wings are the only team ever to un-retire a number with no reason given as to why they did it. Ask Larry Aurie's family how they feel about the organization that Aurie spent his entire NHL career with. His number was retired in 1939 and hung in the rafters as the first number in Red Wings history to receive that honor. By 2001, the banner was taken down and Aurie's name was removed from the list of retired numbers. Again, no explanation was ever given. Why?

3. Tomas Holmstrom. This is just the kind of player Gary Bettman wants in the new NHL: someone who will invade the crease and interfere with the goaltender, with no chance of retribution from a defenseman because they can't touch him. Challenge him to fight in response to getting too close and he'll just turn tail and run.

4. Red Wings fans love to point out how often Colorado Avalanche players, specifically Peter Forsberg, take dives to draw penalties, but conveniently ignore the flopping done by Valtteri Filppula, Johan Franzen, Jiri Hudler, Kirk Maltby, and Mikael Samuelsson.

5. Chris Chelios went from being a hated man in Detroit after his years as an Original Six rival playing in Montreal and Chicago, to suddenly becoming the most beloved sports figure in Red Wings history behind only Gordie Howe and Steve Yzerman. Additionally, it's a disgrace handing the jersey number 24, formerly worn by tough guy and fan favorite Bob Probert, to a stick-swinging, mouthy jerk with over 2500 PIM and fewer than 75 career fights (in fact, I believe he may be the leader in fewest fights per PIM in those with over 2500 minutes in the box). By the way, those fights include victories over noted heavyweights Luc Robitaille, Mike Knuble, Steve Yzerman, Glenn Anderson, Brian Bellows, Larry Murphy (playoffs), and Pat Verbeek; draws against the ever-so-tough Mark Recchi, Sergei Fedorov, Kelly Kisio, and Tomas Sandstrom; and losses to the real tough guys like Brian Curran, Nevin Markwart, Brendan Shanahan, Mark Tinordi, Derian Hatcher, Tony Twist (preseason), Chris Simon (preseason), Tyson Nash (barely a tough guy, but still beat Chrissy), and Larry Playfair. Why every Wings fan thinks he's so tough, and such a "badass" as one has called him, is beyond my comprehension.

6. The "Hockeytown" name. If Detroit is such a great hockey town, why are there empty seats in the arena for the Cup Finals? Why was the arena "dead silent" last night, according to fans of both Detroit and Pittsburgh? Why could fans, according to Don Cherry, call up the team the morning of a Conference Final game and get tickets? Not just one or two tickets either: a block of 12 tickets all together. You should be ashamed to call yourselves "Hockeytown." Give that name to a team where the fans support no matter what: Toronto, Montreal, Ottawa, Colorado, Minnesota, New York, Philadelphia. Not Detroit, where attendance reads well, but in actuality is nowhere near the published numbers.

7. Red Wings fans are impossible to like. More than three decades ago, Roger Angell described New York Yankees fans as "overdressed, uncomprehending autumn arrivistes." Today we would describe them as front-running boors. Replace "autumn" with "spring," and you have the average Detroit Red Wings fan.

8. Red Wings fans largely live in the past. Okay, great, you have 10 Stanley Cups. Since 1960, they have three. In that span, Montreal has won 12, Edmonton has won 5, the New York Islanders have won 4, New Jersey has won 3. Even the hapless Toronto Maple Leafs have won 4 since 1960.

9. Red Wings' stiff/scrub/plug/useless spare part Kirk Maltby has somehow won three Stanley Cups. Marcel Dionne, Dino Ciccarelli, and Gilbert Perreault, each ten times the player Maltby could ever hope to be, have none between them.

10. Red Wings fans. Without bias, I find you all to be the most insufferable, fair weather, ignorant fans in the world. Know this: no matter how many championships you win, you have a BORING, UNLIKABLE, UN-EXCITING TEAM.

Let me say this: I used to like the Red Wings. Key word: used to. When I was just starting to get back into hockey in the mid 1990's, the Red Wings were the second closest team to me, and having family in Michigan, they became a favorite of mine. Great players, great games, fun rivalry with Colorado that resulted in some good, fun to watch, rough-and-tumble hockey.

And then Ken Holland took over as GM. The Wings won two Cups with their tough and talented teams and after getting knocked out of the playoffs in 1999, the toughness was dismantled. The Red Wings won the Cup in 1997 while also being in the league's top 10 in fights. In 1998, they won again, last in fighting, but with plenty of willing fighters in Darren McCarty, Jamie Pushor, Joe Kocur, and Brendan Shanahan. And in 1999, a playoff loss with the same group (replace Pushor with Martin Lapointe). For the next three seasons, the Wings were dead last in the league in fights. In spite of their 2002 Cup win, this was not the team I once liked watching.

2002 the Wings had 23 fights in the regular season. The next season, the only reason they weren't at the league's basement in that category is because Sean Avery was around, and every other team decided to copy their blueprint: dump all toughness and bring in a bunch of high-flying European guys who fall down if touched.

The Red Wings went from being the epitome of my favorite brand of hockey to the dictionary definition of the kind of game I hate. It's boring. It's weak. It's not the way North American hockey was meant to be played at its highest level.

And with them about to win another Cup, you can guarantee every team will try to copy them. Again. And the game will continue on further down the drain.